Tuesday, August 11, 2009
What I did when I turned 22
Had one of those amazing conversations last night that you can usually only have with a guy when he's trying to be deep and impress you in order to have sex with you. This guy has been decently sleazy in the past, so I was really surprised when he left with my protest. I don't know. We talked about travel and life and I felt very lonely when it was over. I didn't sleep with the TV on... my thoughts were somehow enough for a night to occupy my mind. Happy birthday to me. Proof of my success or unsuccess.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Not that I know if Kate Hudson and Scarlett Johannson are deep or not.
This is a project I will almost surely abandon.
Watching Matchpoint, I am fighting a severe love for Scarlett Johansson but this movie is not making a terrific amount of sense. The movie starts and then he meets this girl too soon in the movie and then is in a serious relationship with her too soon. I don't know what to think. I'm not into Scarlett playing a weak character. I like people who are strong but behave weakly because of something they must conquer in the film.
It occurred to me at some point today, I'm not really sure when, that I've always been jealous of these people in any medium who have these deep understanding connections with each other. Like couples who have been together for so long that they don't need to talk, one knows when the other is upset, and what about. When people have a moment but don't need to talk. When people fall in love over the course of four days in a film because they share this inexplicable thing.
I have always wanted to have those moments and those people, but it occurs to me that they don't actually exist. John Green wrote a novel about how we imagine people. He says imagining them as more than human, or as these magical creatures who will whisk quickly into our lives and completely change us forever is dangerous. That may not be the way they want to be understood... or need to be understood and appreciated.
It's like Kate Hudson in Almost Famous. He meets this mysterious and amazingly free woman who he falls for instantly, who he has this misty connection with because she is unattainable and offers him these amazing life experiences that change him forever. I have always really wanted to be that type of girl.
The thought crossed my mind tonight that those types of connections and people may not actually exist. It might all be a rouse created in literature and spread wildly in cinema and television. Maybe I should stop worrying why I am not a thoughtful, deep, whimsical, mysterious, free-falling, intuitive, or interesting enough of a personality to create these beautiful relationships and connections with others. Maybe we're all only pretending to be that deep and understanding of another human spirit.
Watching Matchpoint, I am fighting a severe love for Scarlett Johansson but this movie is not making a terrific amount of sense. The movie starts and then he meets this girl too soon in the movie and then is in a serious relationship with her too soon. I don't know what to think. I'm not into Scarlett playing a weak character. I like people who are strong but behave weakly because of something they must conquer in the film.
It occurred to me at some point today, I'm not really sure when, that I've always been jealous of these people in any medium who have these deep understanding connections with each other. Like couples who have been together for so long that they don't need to talk, one knows when the other is upset, and what about. When people have a moment but don't need to talk. When people fall in love over the course of four days in a film because they share this inexplicable thing.
I have always wanted to have those moments and those people, but it occurs to me that they don't actually exist. John Green wrote a novel about how we imagine people. He says imagining them as more than human, or as these magical creatures who will whisk quickly into our lives and completely change us forever is dangerous. That may not be the way they want to be understood... or need to be understood and appreciated.
It's like Kate Hudson in Almost Famous. He meets this mysterious and amazingly free woman who he falls for instantly, who he has this misty connection with because she is unattainable and offers him these amazing life experiences that change him forever. I have always really wanted to be that type of girl.
The thought crossed my mind tonight that those types of connections and people may not actually exist. It might all be a rouse created in literature and spread wildly in cinema and television. Maybe I should stop worrying why I am not a thoughtful, deep, whimsical, mysterious, free-falling, intuitive, or interesting enough of a personality to create these beautiful relationships and connections with others. Maybe we're all only pretending to be that deep and understanding of another human spirit.
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